It’s been another dramatic week in our Emmerdale review and once more it’s all about the men. All the men. Trying, as Chas put it early in the week, to “out-macho” one another.

There have been some fights, a bit of squaring up, a lot of shouting, a syringe full of summer fruits juice, and generally just loads of testosterone flying about all over the place.

Anyway, let’s crack open a cold beer, have a punch-up, and watch some sport. Because here’s this week’s Emmerdale review. Or should we say Men-erdale? No? Ah it was worth a shot.
Pouting won’t make this any better, Caleb (Credit: ITV)

So macho

Cain and Caleb seem to be stuck in an endless loop of arguing. At this point it seems the only resolution is for them either to decide they forgive each other and move on, or both leave the village forever, because frankly we can’t cope with all this sniping. Cain, Caleb, Ruby and Moira have all done terrible things. Let’s just leave it there, shall we?
Ruby’s story is now all about Caleb (Credit: ITV)

Once again a story that should be about women is about men (two stories in fact) in Emmerdale

Ruby’s abuse by her evil father Anthony, and Moira’s brain tumour are both huge stories. Ruby and Moira are big, bold, brilliant female characters. And Beth Cordingly, who plays Ruby, and Natalie J Robb, AKA Moira, are both amazing, accomplished actresses.

But somehow these stories told by these actresses have become secondary to Cain and Caleb’s feud. This has happened before when Lydia’s rape turned into ‘who killed Craig’. So we knew this was going to happen when Cain and Ruby slept together, and we know we’ve said this before in our Emmerdale review, but we really wish it hadn’t.

We want to see Ruby working through her feelings about her dad (surely she needs some sort of counselling for this?!) and Moira coping with her brain surgery, not to mention now also supporting Matty and Kyle through the loss of Amy. It feels like these huge stories are being lost.
John revealed where the body was – or did he? (Credit: ITV/ Composite EI!)

Emmerdale review: What is John up to?

We do not trust John Sugden. We’re pretty sure he was lying about where Anthony’s body is. We’re wondering if he had something to do with Nate’s body being in the icy lake. We’re not confident he’s being honest with Aaron about his past. Somehow he has manipulated things so he is apparently in charge of the Dingles now. He’s the boss. Even though he’s a Sugden.

And we love it!

John is so calm and still in a chaotic village full of chaotic characters. But he’s still in a way that suggests there’s a lot more to him than we already know. And we’re really liking this suggestion of darkness around him.
Lydia’s pics of Joe and Dawn are amazing! (Credit: ITV)

Emmerdale review: Super sleuths Lydia and Kim

The highlight of our week was Kim and Lydia teaming up to find out what Joe is up to. Kim dubbing herself the ‘doyenne of dubiousness’ was genius. Lydia trailing Joe through the woods to meet Dawn, and then snapping pictures worthy of Hollywood’s finest paparazzo was hilarious. We are here for Tate and Dingle PIs being on the case.
Lucky for Ross that Joe’s not Batman (Credit: ITV)

Joe’s not Batman

“I’m not Batman,” Joe Tate told Dawn this week. Which made us laugh. But also he could be – he’s rich, suave, a bit tortured. He’s got the tragic backstory, the murdered parents (well, his mum was murdered, his dad just pretended to be murdered.) Just saying…

But superhero secret identities aside, we are bewildered by Joe and his weird secrets. What is going on? Why did he drug Noah? How did he get the strength to smash his way out of the barn when he could barely stand up? Who was the mysterious man who came to his rescue? Was he a doctor? What was the ‘short-term solution’ that was in the case?

It is confusing and slightly annoying. If he’s ill, then there’s a perfectly good hospital in Hotten, with excellent staff who we’re sure would take good care of him.

Just veering off topic slightly, we were also delighted to see Dawn reverting to type and being super-moody with Joe now too. That honeymoon period is short when it comes to Mrs Fletcher.
Who was Joe’s mysterious visitor? (Credit: ITV)

Steph is vile

Give it a rest, Steph.

Emmerdale review: Marlon is losing his mind over April

And you can give it a rest too, Marlon. Sleeping downstairs with the keys in your pocket? This is madness. MADNESS. How this man hasn’t given himself another stroke is anyone’s guess.