Paul O’Grady turned down a vital heart operation just months before his death for the heartbreaking reason he didn’t want to let other people down

TV legend Paul O’Grady turned down a crucial heart operation just months before his death — for a deeply emotional reason that now breaks hearts across Britain.

It has been revealed that in the final few months of his life he refused an implantable defibrillator due to his work commitments
The star’s friend Malcolm Prince has written a book about Paul as he explained: ‘He didn’t want to go back into hospital to have another procedure and then spend time recuperating’
He was laid to rest the following month in St Rumwold’s Churchyard in Bonnington, Kent and for the last two years, his grave has been marked wooden crosses and ornaments

The beloved presenter, who passed away at age 67 in March 2023 after suffering from cardiac arrhythmia, had reportedly refused an implantable defibrillator that doctors strongly recommended. His reason? He didn’t want to let anyone down — or lose control in front of those he loved.

At the time, Paul had been fully committed to several projects, including the musical Annie and a dog show, and couldn’t bring himself to step away for recovery time.

“He didn’t want to go back into hospital to have another procedure and then spend time recuperating,” close friend and producer Malcolm Prince recalled. “He wanted to get on with his life — and work. He didn’t want to let people down.”

“He Was Scared of Losing Control — and of Being Seen That Way”

After ‘lengthy’ application process, his widow, Andre Portasio, took to Paul’s Instagram account on Friday to announce that he has placed the ‘final design’ of Paul’s headstone

Just months before his passing, Paul spent a week at William Harvey Hospital in Ashford, Kent. After leaving, he texted his daughter Sharyn to say he wouldn’t be getting the device.

His longtime manager Joan Marshrons later revealed that Paul feared how a pacemaker or defibrillator could behave while he was on stage:

“He was scared of losing control. He didn’t want to be on camera or in front of an audience when the thing kicked in — he would have been embarrassed.”

But it wasn’t only the public spotlight that worried him. Friends said Paul also felt deeply self-conscious about appearing weak in front of colleagues, and even felt uneasy around his partner’s friends, fearing they would see him as fragile or dependent.

Tragically, his partner never pushed him to undergo the operation, believing it was Paul’s choice to make. Those closest to him now admit that his fierce independence — and his quiet shame — may have cost him the chance to live longer.

“He Knew His Time Was Limited”

In Malcolm Prince’s new book, Paul O’Grady – Not The Same Without You — set to be serialized in the Daily and Sunday Mirror — Malcolm recalls moments where Paul seemed aware that his time was running out. At one point, he quietly admitted, “I’m not going to be here for much longer.”

The book also explores how Paul may have battled an eating disorder, possibly triggered by years of pressure to stay slim while performing as his drag alter-ego Lily Savage. His makeup artist Vanessa White remembered how he avoided eating during filming days, worried about how he looked on stage.

A Resting Place Finally Complete

Earlier this month, it was revealed that Paul’s grave finally received a permanent headstone — two and a half years after his death.

He was laid to rest at St Rumwold’s Churchyard in Bonnington, Kent, beside his late partner Brendan Murphy, who died in 2005 from an inoperable brain tumour.

After a “lengthy” application process, Paul’s widower Andre Portasio announced on Instagram that the final dark-grey headstone had been placed. It features a figurine of his beloved dog Buster and one of Paul’s favourite quotes by philosopher Michel de Montaigne:

“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to be one’s own self.”

Andre wrote:

“I miss him dearly every day, but I’m grateful that his resting place is now complete. I hope he would be pleased with the final design.”

💔 A performer to the very end — devoted to his work, his pride, and his heart. Even in his final months, Paul O’Grady’s courage and love for others never dimmed — though it may have cost him his tomorrow.