Inside Jill Halfpenny’s tragedies – ‘pain’ following loss of dad; sudden death of partner; ‘shame’ over alcohol battle

The actress has been through a hell of a lot

Jill Halfpenny has had her life rocked with tragedies over the years, as both her partner and her dad died. But recently, she opened up about how she has managed to overcome the challenges to get to where she is now.

The former Strictly Come Dancing winner has previously spoken out about how much she was impacted by the sudden deaths of her father and her partner, and even revealed she turned to alcohol as a way to cope.

Jill – on screen today (April 16) with her Easter Journeys series and Channel 5’s The Feud – lost her dad at the age of four, but didn’t actually deal with her grief until much later in life – when she tragically lost her partner too.

Jill has been open about the heartache in her life (Credit: ITV)

Death of dad when she was just four

When Jill was just four years old her dad died suddenly, which brought a lot of grief and upset into her world. Colin, Jill’s dad, died at the age of 36 after suffering a heart attack during a game of five-a-side football.

She recently spoke to The Guardian about how she didn’t actually know how to deal with his sudden death at such a young age. And this led to her not processing what happened for many years.

Jill said: “My dad died of a heart attack when I was four. It was never addressed. And as a result, I liked to stay busy. I was always filling my time trying not to think. And I hated the idea of going home and realising I had nothing going on.”

But through the grief, Jill turned to dancing. And somehow ended up using it as a metaphor for her own grief.

She said: “Without knowing, I was learning a lesson: ballet is often painful, but if you stay with the pain, it gets a lot easier. It took me decades to realise the same method applies to dealing with grief.”

Jill received a sign from Matt after his death (Credit: SplashNews.com)

Jill Halfpenny’s partner died the same way

Back in 2017, Jill’s partner, Matt, also suddenly died of a heart attack after leaving to go to an exercise class one morning, at the age of 43. At the time of his death, the couple were trying for a baby.

Jill has previously opened up about the “awful” grief she experienced after Matt’s death. And how it forced her to confront the grief she still had about her dad’s death.

Speaking on This Morning last year, Jill said: “I just thought, okay, this is awful. But this is my choice now. I’m cracked open and raw. Let’s go and do all of the work I hadn’t done with my dad and grieve them both together and see what I can learn from it. And, it kind of set me free.”

Since Matt’s passing, Jill has found love again with Ian McAllister. And she believes she got a sign from Matt to give his permission for her to move on.

She admitted the pair loved the song Budapest by George Ezra, and every time she needed a sign from him, the song came on. And that exact thing happened when she asked him if she could find love again.

Alcohol battle

To cope with the heartbreak in her life from losing both her partner and her dad, Jill Halfpenny turned to alcohol use.

In her book – A Life Reimagined: My Journey of Hope in the Midst of Loss – Jill emotionally details the depth of her alcoholism.

She wrote: “For a long time, alcohol had helped me to escape, to stop thinking. I began to see that I was a different person when I drank and I didn’t always like who I became. Conversely, I thought it helped me access all the things that lay dormant inside me.”

Now, Jill is sober, but she admitted it took her a while before she actually got help. Her first AA meeting was in 2013, but it was a journey afterwards for her to stay on path.

Jill wrote: “I felt a mix of shame and desperation as I approached the door. But I took a seat at the back and attempted to take it all in. I experienced something I never have before – people, strangers, just sharing how they feel. No small talk or pretence, just real, authentic feelings.”