RFK Jr. Says Stock Market Crash Could be Reversed if Investors Drink Cod Liver Oil

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NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Offering a remedy to last week’s devastating crash on global stock markets, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. said on Monday that the plummeting trend could be reversed if investors would drink high doses of cod liver oil.

“Stocks are crashing because investors are in a bad mood, and the reason they are in a bad mood is because they are not getting enough Omega-3 fatty acids,” he said. “This is what caused the Great Depression.”

Bolstering the credibility of his suggestion, he added, “Dr. Oz is with me on this.”

Kennedy’s prescription, however, was met with skepticism from financial experts, who noted that tariffs on cod liver oil had made the liquid virtually unaffordable.