The TODAY contributor is starting a new chapter — and sharing the trick she’s discovered as a “new way to date.”
Jill Martin is back on the dating scene and utilizing technology in her new era.
While hosting the Third Hour of TODAY, Jill revealed her new favorite way of getting to know someone: Enter the FaceTime date.
Joking with TODAY.com, Jill admits she’s no expert in the dating field after her recent divorce. But the lifestyle expert says she’s “aced” the video chat with someone before meeting them in person.
“FaceTiming is great because you can tell so much on FaceTime,” Jill says, explaining that attraction and connection are almost immediately clear simply through the phone.
Jill calls dating apps the “modern day matchmaker,” adding that “it’s a numbers game” — the more people you meet, the more likely you are to find your match.
If you’re nervous to get on dating apps or meet someone over a FaceTime call, here are Jill’s tips.
Be comfortable putting yourself out there
First and foremost, Jill advises making a dating profile that is true to you, including photos and answers to prompts that tell your personal story.
Though it can be difficult, Jill says it’s crucial to “be real with yourself about what you want” out of your next relationship.
“Once I went on a date and I said, ‘I’m just casually dating.’ My mom said, ‘Jill, you’re not casual,’” she jokes. “Don’t write that if you don’t mean it.”
Instead, Jill says this is what she writes on her dating profile, which she says feels true to her: “Happy girl, looking for a serious person who loves to have a blast.”
Give an end time
“Make (the call) a finite amount of time, so you’re not being rude when you leave,” Jill says. “Say, ‘I have 15 minutes, 20 minutes. I have 25 minutes.’”
Jill says her calls tend to be brief, but she might do several before ever meeting up in person.
“I had five FaceTime dates with someone, and I had an in-person date after that, and it helped. I mean, we already knew each other,” Jill says.
Safety first: Fact check the person after the call
Not only will it take away the anxiety of not knowing someone on a first date, a video call allows each person to ensure they’re not being “catfished,” where someone is pretending to be someone they’re not.
“It does take away catfishing totally,” Jill says. “You can get off the call, verify everything they said is what it is, because I found a lot of times it’s not.”
Anecdotally speaking, Jill says she’s been on dates where people lie about their age and where they live, and share photos “from over 20 years ago.”
Being able to verify the information on the dating profile during and after the call allows you to feel safer on the first date and more able to let your guard down, Jill adds.
In terms of yourself, Jill advises to not show too much of your home and refrain from sharing detailed personal information.
Pick a ‘theme’
Jill recommends picking a date “theme,” or something to do together to take some pressure off the conversation.
The theme can be as simple as a coffee date or drinks on a Friday at happy hour, she explains — this will also be more memorable for the other person.
Feel free to be casual
Because each person is only seeing one another likely from the shoulders up, Jill says there’s room to be casual, which can calm the nerves.
“You don’t have to wear, you know, pants,” she jokes of her attire during FaceTime dates.
That being said, Jill adds that “you always want to put your best foot forward.”
When it comes to coffee dates, for example, Jill says she looks how she would “on a good morning” but doesn’t want to “overdo it.” If a glass of wine is involved, she might look more like she would hitting a real happy hour.
Show authenticity
Similar to showing authenticity on a dating profile, Jill reminds herself of the importance of bringing the most real version of yourself to the video call.
For example, Jill suggests using a background that shows art or any interests, as well as wearing an outfit that makes you feel like the most confident version of yourself.
Recently, Jill says one of her dates showed some true authenticity, serenading her on guitar with Marvin Gaye’s “How Sweet It Is (to Be Loved by You)” while on FaceTime.
“He said, ‘Do you want me to serenade you? I play the guitar.’ I said, ‘Absolutely, I do,’” Jill recalls. “You wouldn’t have gotten that on a personal date. He’s in finance. Who knows if guitar would have even come up?”
Make sure you’re each worth the other’s time
“We all have busy lives,” Jill reminds, adding that calling before a date ensures that neither of you will waste your free time.
“Not everybody deserves you. Your time is your most precious commodity, and I think you have to use it wisely,” she says. “I think that you know, any way that you could be more efficient is valuable.”
For Jill, she says it would take her about two hours to drive into New York City for “potentially, a 10-minute date.” A video call can at least tell you if there’s enough interest to give it a shot.