“Saturday Night Live” poured one out for Joann, the beloved fabric and craft store that recently announced it would be closing all of its locations.

On Saturday, March 29, Oscar winner Mikey Madison hosted the late-night sketch comedy show for the first time alongside musical guest, Morgan Wallen.

During the “Weekend Update” segment of the episode, cast member Ashley Padilla portrayed the titular Joann to discuss — or rather, lament — the recent store closures.

Padilla joined “Weekend Update” co-anchor Colin Jost behind the desk, donning a blonde wig, white and yellow patterned blouse and a bright green Joann apron to express her anger and disappointment, claiming that it was “not okay!”

When Jost pointed out that it seemed like the news “clearly means a lot” to her, Padilla countered, “It means a lot to every capri wearing woman with a boring husband and a mean dog!”

“I just don’t understand. Where did we go wrong? Joann’s has everything,” Padilla argued. “Fluorescent lighting, plastic succulents with six layers of dust on them, and the best part? Every cashier is a retired nurse with two wrist braces and the biggest breasts you’ve ever seen.”

Padilla continued to share her shock over the news, claiming that 2024 was the company’s “best year yet,” bringing in a whopping $4,000 in revenue.

“It was never about the money to me. I’ve been the boss for 80 years and I’ve never stopped working in store,” she explained. “Every day I was living my dream. First thing I do when I get in, I check that we always have Halloween stuff. Then I sweep the dust into a pile and spread it back out. Power sniff a permanent marker, and I drive home.”

When Jost simply referred to Joann as a store, Padilla assured him that it was so much “more than just a store.”

“It’s a sanctuary for women who wear pants to the beach,” she said. “Without Joann’s, where are we going to go?”

Things took a dramatic turn when Padilla whipped out a fully bedazzled flask, fit for a crafty woman, and shared her theory for what “ruined” the company — feminism.

“Feminism destroyed us. Teach a woman to read and she’ll never craft again,” Padilla said. “Now they all want to be ‘SheEOs.’ Well, guess what SheEO, you killed Joann fabric!”

In March 2024, Joann filed for bankruptcy, though at the time the company shared that its 800 stores and website would remain open.

Less than one year later after the bankruptcy filing, it was announced in February 2025 that the Ohio-based retailer would be closing all of its store locations after the company was unable to find a buyer.