Stacey Solomon is an introvert. And she really hates having to perform. Can’t stand it – all those people looking at her, what a nightmare.

We know this is true because she confessed all to the camera crew that follows her around her house, on her reality show with her husband, Stacey And Joe.

Like all desperately shy people, brave Stacey simply has to put up with being filmed as she goes to McDonald’s after an awards ceremony, or tries on outfits she hasn’t worn for 15 years.

Pulling at the sky-high hem of a spangly dress, she shrieked, ‘Wow, oh my God, you would have seen my vagina!’ Public indecency is the perennial problem of all introverts, of course.

Stacey was harking back to her appearances on The X Factor in 2009, in which she nearly but not quite reached the final. It’s good to be reminded – I’d hate to forget why I’ve heard of her.

Despite her dogged attempts to avoid being seen, she did accidentally allow us to catch a five-minute glimpse of her and hubbie Joe Swash having a row about the washing machine, in no way contrived for the cameras.

Silly sausage Joe had put too many soap suds in the washer – and added bleach, to give his T-shirts a lovely sepia tinge.

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Despite her dogged attempts to avoid being seen, Stacey Solomon did accidentally allow us to catch a five-minute glimpse of her and hubbie Joe Swash having a row about the washing machine

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Stacey is an introvert. And she really hates having to perform. Can’t stand it – all those people looking at her, what a nightmare

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Cor, ordinary married life, eh – if it isn’t one thing, it’s another

And then he and the film unit lay in wait for Stacey, who simply couldn’t help giving him a right proper ticking-off.

Cor, ordinary married life, eh – if it isn’t one thing, it’s another.

Try as she might, Stacey was also unable to prevent the cameras from zooming in on 16-year-old son Zach’s face as he discovered he’d failed his GCSEs.

It’s all for the best. Zach will be able to look back on that formative moment for the rest of his life. In fact, he’ll never be able to forget it.

Lucky lad. And he’ll always have the knowledge that his mum definitely didn’t want millions of complete strangers to see his disappointment.

No mother would exploit such a painful experience for the sake of momentary fame, least of all a confirmed introvert.

The irony is that bit-part actor Joe is gagging for public attention, and not getting it.

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Try as she might, Stacey was also unable to prevent the cameras from zooming in on 16-year-old son Zach’s face as he discovered he’d failed his GCSEs

Endurance Test of the Night:

Getting ready for cold water dips across Scotland on their Wild Swim (BBC2), married comedians Jules Wilson Nimmo and Greg Hemphill plunged into ice baths at the Polar Bear Club.

Hypothermia and frostbite… talk about making your own fun.

He hires a video team to shoot him doing cheeky-chappie cookery at the kitchen counter, for his Instagram account.

‘I’m the people’s chef,’ he brags, as if Jamie Oliver didn’t already exist. His agent is drumming up work for him all over the country.

‘Joe,’ she says, ‘there’s some curtains that need opening in Carlisle,’ and when he’s at home, his three small children obviously adore him.

That’s the chief difference between this and the Paramount+ freak show starring Hollywood’s Alec Baldwin with wife Hilaria.

Next week, Stacey will be promoting her Spring/Summer 2025 homeware collection with George at Asda. Prices start from £1, apparently.

I thought the BBC had rules about advertising, but perhaps the producers were too shy to mention it.