Gemma Collins Reveals Painful Reality Behind Her ‘Year Of Hell’
Gemma Collins has opened up about what she described as a “year of hell” after losing her mother, facing fertility heartbreak and dealing with serious problems in her relationship with fiancé Rami Hawash.
The former TOWIE star, 45, had originally planned to film a Sky documentary called Four Weddings and a Baby, which was expected to follow her preparations to marry long-term partner Rami and their hopes of starting a family.
But events took such a difficult turn that the programme was eventually renamed Gemma Collins: Everything. All At Once.
Speaking ahead of the series’ September 15 release, Gemma admitted viewers will see her going through one of the hardest periods of her life.
“You can see I’m unwell,” she said.
“You can see I’m not in my best, and life just got progressively worse as I let the cameras in. It was hell.”
Despite everything, Gemma said she has tried to hold on to the resilience taught to her by her late mother Joan.
“It can get better,” she added. “So let’s hope everything starts to get better now because I can’t take any more. I need a break.”
Gemma Faced Heartbreak as Family Plans Changed
The opening episodes of the documentary show the first signs that Gemma’s carefully made plans were beginning to unravel.
Her mother Joan became increasingly unwell towards the end of last year before dying in July following several years of health problems.
At the same time, Gemma and Rami were trying to move forward with plans to have a child.
In one emotional scene, Gemma tells him they cannot afford to waste time.
The couple later attend the Portland Hospital for fertility testing, where they learn that conceiving may prove difficult.
Gemma has since acknowledged that becoming a mother in the way she once imagined may no longer happen.
“I do think timing’s everything,” she said.
“I’m 45 in life now. It’s not going to work out for me.”
However, she stressed that she is not completely closing the door on parenthood, explaining that options such as an egg donor remain possible.
For now, she said she is allowing life to take its course.
Rami’s Drinking Becomes Major Focus
The documentary also captures serious tension between Gemma and Rami.
Rami has spoken openly about using whisky to cope with stress, including the death of his own father and Joan’s declining health.
At one point, cameras capture an argument after Gemma prepares a special meal and Rami returns home having been drinking.
The confrontation leaves Gemma questioning the future of their relationship.
Speaking publicly about the situation, Gemma made clear that she does not believe Rami is a bad person but said alcohol changes his behaviour.
“Rami’s not a bad person,” she said. “But Rami is an awful person in alcohol.”
She added that she hopes he reaches a point where he wants to seek help, while stressing that recovery has to come from him.
“You can’t force someone to get well,” she said. “They need to want it from within.”
Rami, who attended the screening alongside Gemma, also acknowledged his problem.
He explained that drinking had become a coping mechanism and admitted that he would sometimes turn to alcohol after returning home from work.
“I’ve got a problem,” he said.
Gemma Says Her Future Is Unclear
Gemma and Rami have been together on and off for around 15 years, but the documentary appears to capture a major crossroads in both their relationship and Gemma’s wider life.
Losing her mother has been particularly devastating.
“When you lose a parent, there’s nothing worse that can happen to you in life,” she said.
Despite that grief, Gemma insisted she believes she will eventually find a way forward.
She said she still feels her mother’s presence strongly and is determined to keep going, even though she no longer knows exactly what comes next.
“I don’t know where my life’s going now,” Gemma admitted.
“But let’s see what happens.”
After a year in which so many of her plans changed at once, the new series will show Gemma confronting that uncertainty in full — from grief and fertility struggles to the question of whether her relationship with Rami can survive.
